Red overwhelmed the toilet bowl. It tasted metallic even though it only met my eyes. I was warm, giddy. I was also unprepared, on so many levels. No pads, no tampons, no hope. I had released hope a long time ago, letting it dissolve into resolution.

I did not and do not prefer feelings. I value logic and intellect, and my anxiety was already hijacking those north stars with all its might. I certainly didn’t need something as stupid as love to also be muscling out my carefully honed sense of reason. 

This whole unfortunate situation that is my life means that I am very frequently telling people I am fine when I am not. I can put myself back in those moments easily. There are many. The most potent of which happen at work.